borntobehurtborntobeheartbroken

2005-04-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

hmmm...it has been days since i last updated...haiz...today feeling quite down so got the urge to come inside here and write something...ignore wat i will write bah...should be all rubbish...

wat a tired day it is today...but it's a meaningful day...although burned my hand...today went to choa chu kang to pray my dad...so fast...a year has passed...but i'm still missing him...the moment i saw his photo, tears roll down automatically...really miss him...i am such a failure...mum's gone and yet nv cherish my own dad...memories flashes back...daddy, i really miss you...how i wish i had gone with him for breakfast last time...how i wish i had accompany him anywhere last time...how i wish i had listen to wat he said last time...last time...how about now...he can only be a part of my memories...even till the day he pass away, he is still thinking about me in his mind...the words he said i will never ever forget...haiz...

2005-03-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

a story to share with everyone...

This is a story about a girl who fell in love with her best friend..Jin and I are best fren..we do anything that best fren do...One day, i realised that i love him... so i decided to confessed this feeling to him one nite where we camp with other frens... he said yes, he would be my boyfren..So we went on like other couple's life does. Watch movie, walk in park, eat together, go to beach....but life's not fun as when we are still best fren....he also doesnt talk much, or act like we are bestfren, close and share everything... for me,he is not a suitable or loving a boyfren... but i kept quietly this on my mind...But since the day he bcome my boyfren,he every single day would give me a small teddybear...At first i thought it was lovely, but till now, i wonder why he would gav me this...One day, i was walking alone at a park.Then i saw Jin talking to another gurl. I walk towards him and i over heard him saying "i love u' to the gurl. I was really angry and i run home coz Jin never told mehe love me all the time we been boyfren and gurlfren.Then, midnite that day, he come to myhouse and i open the door. He just passed me the teddy bear that he used to give me everyday and said sorry coz i didn't giv u this today. i was really angry and i shouted at him,"Why u alwiz giv me this crap? All i wan to hear from u is... "I love you" that's it, izit too hard???"Jin kept quiet. He took my hand and place the teddy bear on my palm and left away..i throw the teddy bear into my cupboard.The next day, Jin asked me out. We mee tat bus stop near my house..i walk there and then he just gav me a big teddy bear, my anger was still in high position, and i throw the teddy to the middle of the road. He keep quiet and then he go to the middle of the road and pick the teddy up. He dint realise a truck was coming towards him. I shouted at him not to pick it up and he was about look at me, and...........................*Bang*. "JIN!!!!!!" I shouted... the next minute he was lying on the road, covered with blood. He was sent to the hospital but it's too late...i lost him...forever....After attended his funeral, i went back home and i hug all the teddy bear he gav me since the day we became couples... i counted the teddy bear one by one...1...2....3...101...230....300..364...and the last teddy bear he gave covered with his blood was the365th... it had been a year we became couple... i squeeze the teddy bear with the tears flow....suddenly...*I love you~* *I love you~* *I love you~* I was shocked.. i looked at the teddys...and i take one of it, and try to press on his tummy.. *I love you~* *I love you~* I tried each and every teddy bear he gav me... *I love you~* *I love you~* *I love you~* *I love you~* *I love you~* *I love you~* ......................And the biggest and the last teddy bear Jin gave me, I squeeze his big tummy... *felicia, today is our very first annivery being a couple after a year... i always love you, yesterday, today, and forever........ I love you.... *I dropped the teddy bear........I never realised that Jin had actually told me those words.. every single day.... till today...I slowly picked the teddy and i whispered to the teddy's ear.. "i love you too, Jin..and i always did........For the guys/gals that you lovedTell them "i'll love u more than i cud b....i'll care abt u more than i'm carin abtmyself...u're always the 1 in my heart..."

come on girls...know who treats u the best and be the best to him too...

2005-03-21T23:59:00.000-08:00

hmmmm...let me see...wow...12 days nv blog le...nearly half a month...lolx...nah not in the mood to blog...today ar? juz feeling a bit...accused?! lolx...so come in here type something lor...first day of exam...tink will flag also...haha but mayb can pass...section B = shit! kan hard sial...after exam today, i can see quite a number of ppl will flang this exam...haha...cuz hor all come out keep saying either like that lor or ok lor or see luck lor or "wah very hard leh"...lolx...recently brought some cds...Boa's and a new singer call shi wen bin aka Ben...his songs quite nice, meaningful and his voice is good...come back my blog and check bah i will post one of his song which is the one i like most here for all to listen =X...haiz...last 2 days my ear bleed when taking out my earring...kaoz...dunno how to put back the earring but bo bian...anyhow poke...see le my reaction = "eeeeeeeeeeee"...jialat sial...ting ting tell me careful dun let it fa yan...heng today condition get better le...dun feel any pain...good good...dun fa yan, i'm scared of that man...last night had a strange dream...i dreamt of her...so sweet...but that will not happen...if that day really happens to come by, even if i were to die, it doesn't matter anymore...satisfied with life...got the thing i wanted most...as for the content of the dream, ask me urself bah...no 100% divulge ar =D~

well, today i cant break my daily routine...used to wake up at 630 for something...i tried not setting alarm...but ended up i wake up at 630 myself...guess it has already became a part of me...sounds so painful to hear myself letting u go when u became a part of me...well, i'm trying to change myself to be an optimistic person...everything's gonna be alright...smile and troubles will be all gone...why is it that true heart hurt me the most...

Feeling good~

2005-03-09T23:59:00.000-08:00

finally...projects over...but exams not over yet...there's one subject i might get debarred...hope i wont get debarred...rush until so tired juz for the projects...term test passed too...dun wish to let all efforts being flushed down into the drain...damn tired man...no time for blogging...it's been a few days since i update...seems like everything in my life have changed...my frenz had all come back into my mind once again...haiz...no girls can seems to enter my mind now le...mayb still left with her bah...a person i once together with...some memories seems to flash back once again...happy moments...and also...sad moments...well...she should know that i'm refering to her...well...enough of love problems le...concentrate on exams now and then on m driving and gyming...=X...today went tampines for sushi with my "da lao po" and "er lao po"...lolx...had a great time...nv felt so relax for the past few weeks...omg...i pierced my ear! finally i dare le...haha...actually wanted to back out halfway but they dragged me...well...i cant imagine that ear piercing isn't painful at all...only something touching my ear...scared me sial...lolx! looks better with that piercing bah...hope dun "fa yan" ar...take good care of it for the moment...=X...needa relax for tonight...gotta do my cmsk oral presentation preparation tml le...having presentation on friday...sobz...muz wear handsome handsome go there with good performance...lolx! use my eyes to electrocute the tutor...=P...today actually wanted to sell my D500C to my mei de...intending to get 6680 and also she seems to like it very much...so intended to sell her cheap...but one thing is...sis scolded...and also come to tink of it, wasting money and also 6680 is almost the same as 7610 except of 1.3Mp and 3G...for colour display, 7610 is good enough for me and 3G is totally useless to me...and...i also like D500C =P...so i told her sorry...gonna keep it...well sorry mei...made u disappointed...=D...haiz...suddenly have the feeling of having someone to talk to...no one's there...even she's asleep long ago le...haiz...tink gonna take a rest too bah...well...bathed long time ago...no needa wait for hair to dry...=X tata peeps....~

2005-03-04T23:59:00.000-08:00

these few days had been a busy day for me...nv been home early...done with my part in the project and helped my group mates with their part...so tiring...nv had time to start with another one...and also helping my fren do another project...which is i didn't do much...wat he asked me to do then i do...he' good enough to do those harder part himself...well had to thank him...a fren indeed...found some pics for him but when he msn me i was outside...dotz...so sorry...well today i brought my new phone samsung D500C...a very nice phone...nice design...nice functions...but the only thing is that it cant insert mmc card...haiz...but nv regret buying that phone...hope the price wont drop...today saw her blog...she say she's being treated like a toy...but i still tink that it's me who's being treated like a toy...know the song in my blog? hai hui xiang jian ta, que hai yao wo gen shui...is this true love? i love u wholeheartly...but u cant do the same thing...so i chosen to gave up...very tired of those sad things le...chris can be there whenever u need someone, but i cant...distance is a barrier between us, i dun mind travelling but u cant wait for me to arrive...and i can see that u concern about chris's feeling more than mine...and i'll be quite busy these few weeks until my exam is over...i cant be there when u need me...if u have chosen to go back to him, go ahead...u have my support...i needa take a break...haiz...feeling sick today again...flu coming back...cough too...not again...when will this stop...giddy...vomitted...haiz...forget it...juz die off is better...seems like i'm going to die...too tired le...-gone-

love

2005-03-02T23:59:00.000-08:00

it's been 3 days since i last updated le...so busy with projects...helping group members do if not i will not be able to compile with them...tml gonna continue again...haiz sianz...end quickly man...this is the second last week to study week and exam le...jia you...dun wanna any supp paper...feeling regretted with my past results le...gonna make myself as busy as possible too...this will make time pass faster...how i wish time juz fly through whenever i blink...but impossible...haiz...gonna go and slp soon le...projects i'm coming again le! but before i slp, please read the passage below...so far i haven a girl who is like this...and i know i wont able to...it's not that i dun fulfil these expectation but it's the girl who insist on breaking my heart...but this passage sounds romantic though...

Love the girl in your heart, not in your mind. If you base your relationship on feelings, it will fail for there are ups & downs in feelings. Girls are there to be loved, not toyed around.Love her for who she is. Don't even think about changing any bit about her. 6 billion people in this world & 6 billion different personalities. She's special & she will stay that way. You change any part of her, you'll change her forever. Don't substitute her for anyone else, they are just unique in their own ways.Love whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a lot for you so you'd better really treassure her. She could have just got up & date a so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead all because of love. So love her guys, not play with her.Don't just get the girl to beg you to stay or whatsoever. Ifyou're with her, love her.Don't cause a strain in the relationship, you'll endup loving each other out of pity or charity, that's not respecting love at all. Respect love the way it is & everything will be the best it can be. I've been there & I know how it feels.Don't expect perfection from her. She's the only one in the world & she's done the best she could.Like another girl while you're in a relationship?Then I think it's time you remain single for a while.Don't go around breaking girls' hearts, it's the most tragic thing to do.Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If you want her to tell you everything, do the same.Don't go calling other girls "honey" or "darling",how would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same way? Be faithful, enough is enough.Socialise only when you're single. You socialise & flirt around is to get the girl of your dreams. Get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more.It never kills to be romantic. Think, be flexible.Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she lives lifejust like you. Something sweet & simple always get the job done.Money doesn't exist between couples, it's thelove.Never promise her that you'll love her forever because your forever might end the next day.Loveher as if each day is the last.Sweet talking only applies for singles, not for attached guys. Do that & you'll really break your girl's heart.It isn't good being too well-known too, it'll give her a sense of insecurity. Remember, INSECURITY.Promise her & make sure you never break the promise. Swear to her & make sure you live up to your word. Pledge your love to her & her alone.Loving her is giving her your heart to break it but trusting her not to. Same goes for her,giving u her heart means allowing u to break it and trusting u not to. Instead, she'll cherish it & protect it.Should'nt you do the same thing as well? That's love.Give her your heart, your life, your everything. Lay down your life & prepare to die for her when the need arises. But stay strong & live through another day, she can never live without you.Never, ever walk out of her life. She won't just cry her heart out & carry on living as per normal, she'd die.Its her heart that you've broken, how would you ever know how she feels?Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don't leave her once you've won her love. Love her all the way till the end of time, love her till marriage, love her till old age, love her till death. If you can love her till the end of time, you've earned the honor & respect for you've truly loved her.She chose you because she believes that you can fulfil your promise. Win her heart & love her over.

2005-02-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

early morning not feeling very well again...dotzations...well i guess if i want to fully recover, i guess will be after my exams...haiz...and also when everything is solved...today first thing in the morning received a sms from alice asking me whether i'm alright or not...thank you for caring me so much...i'm alright...the nxt sms i received was from her...asking me whether......haiz...do i have the right to say "no"? the answer is no...i dun have any right...why do u have to ask me? juz keep me in the dark and go...dun ask me...mayb this will makes me feel better...anyway, felt very sad about wat had happened these past few weeks...especially last few days...well...i am juz passerby...an useless passerby...cant do anything...wat ever i did was juz to prove something and u should know wat...but...if u wanna love me, plz love me wholeheartedly...this is my wish...my tears had already been dried up...i'm feeling numb le...the pain has already turned numb in my body...mayb u should consider abt wat u are going to do...i'll always be there to support u no matter wat u do...gonna go to school le...bye bye...

haiz...

2005-02-27T11:59:00.000-08:00

today keep wanting to find places to go...cant stand being at home...cant stop thinking abt some things...but no one seems to be free to accompany me...i'm so sad...no one can help me...so i came here and write down how i'm feeling now...this is the only thing i can do...whenever i think of it...haiz...have been sitting in front of the com staring blankly in the air since morning...some things happened in the morning...no appetite to eat...no mood to play...do projects...no mood too...juz sit there keep waiting for someone who can console me...guess no one can help me except her...really down right at this moment...wish to see her...but...haiz...why does that feeling keep coming back...haiz...cant do anything but only to control, control and control...

wat's wrong with me man

2005-02-26T23:59:00.000-08:00

wat going on with me today again...tears dropping when writing blog now...my heart's so painful...it's too painful...i need someone to talk to...can someone talk to me mah...i simply juz need someone to talk to...plz...i dun wish to cry...but why it just cant be stopped...wat am i thinking right now...why it seems like no one can talk to me now...her...mei...little lion...who else can i find...feeling too terrible now le...i cant take it anymore...it's hard for me to overcome anything now...wat can i do...wat should i do...i'm too sad...i didn't expect to be like that today...need someone to accompany...haiz...

i wanted to say...

2005-02-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

ci shi ci ke...yan lei you wang xia diao le...i cant control it anymore...i wanted to tell her...but i dunno how to say so...today went out with her...went out with her fren, yang kai...wanted to go and play billard but ended up he is underage...then we went shopping for her fren's birthday present bah...walked for a long time, she finally brought a levi's polo tee...wat a hot day...after that we went sunplaza's mac and sit down cuz raining outside...i told her 3 times...actually...actually...actually...but i juz cant open my mouth to tell her wat i wanted to say...i had her present for valentines day...which will prove my love for her...juz that yet i cant open my mouth to say so...how sad can i be...how disappointed...her ex came back to find her le...i knew this day will come...think it's time le bah...i dun wish to...but i do not know wat to do so u wont be so troubled...i rather the one troubled to be me but not u...fate is helping me and yet destiny is fooling me...wat can i do...simply nothing...damn u destiny...
neng ai ni shi wi yi sheng de xing fu

most true...

2005-02-25T11:00:00.000-08:00

early morning went to kimage cut my hair...i'll help kimage advertise...haha...nice hair salon...went a few times already...all quite friendly there...lolx...kimage nv pay me for helping to advertise...hahah...got home...found this in my friendster bulletin...found it quite true...so wish to share with thsoe who read my blog...here it goes...
A gal wont cry easily,only wen she love u de most,she put down her ego.

Guys, if a gal cries bcoz of u,please dont give her up,maybe bcoz of ur decision,u ruin her life.

When she cry rite infrnt of u,When she cry bcoz of u,Look into her eyes,Can u see n feel de pain n hurt she's feelin?Think.Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity,Infront of u,And bcoz of u?

She cry not because she is weak,She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity,She cry,Because cryin silently is no longer possible,De pain,hurt,n agony hav bcome 2 big aburden 2 bkept inside.

Guys,Think about it,If a gal cry her heart out 2 u,And all because of u,Its time 2 look back on wat u hav done,Only u will know de answer 2 it.

Do consider it,Coz one day,It may b 2 late 4 regrets,It may b 2 late 2 say "im sorry".

this teaches me not to make her cry...i will regret for life...mayb in my life, she's the only one i love most...she's my life...guys out there dun be like me...plz...gonna go school le...bye peeps...

yan lei wang xia diao...

2005-02-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

wat a sad day...was angry in the afternoon...but now...haiz...so tired today...wanted to hear her voice...but...haiz...actually juz now...the moment she got home she called me...was so happy to receive her call...but...i was quite busy finding an article for my life science...i needa read it online first...so i kept quite quiet...she misunderstood me...she tot i was angry...she talked to me but i only replied ya, huh, no lah...haiz...sorry about that...i juz wanna say i wasn't angry at all...afternoon wat i sms~ed u should remember bah...so sorry...i was busy...but the moment u say gonna go eat med first then call me, i quickly finish wat i am doing le...but...u dun wanna talk to me le...haiz...wat am i gonna do...if only i wasn't doing anything juz now...haiz...damn sad...so moody...yan lei you zai ci wang xia diao...so sad...haiz...ci shi ci ke wo zhen zai xiang ni...hao xiang hao xiang ni...haiz...saw her blog...she said she cant cheer me up that day...not true...if u didn't cheer me up, i wont be able to laugh with u le...or should i say, only u can cheer me up...i might not understand wat u will do...but i truely and totally understand how u are feeling now...haiz...if not i wont do things to make myself sad in order to let u be happy...mayb some day when i'm gone, u will be more happy...to be frank, i've not been happy these few days...but i've nv told u...cuz i dun wanna make u sad, pressurized...the only one i can talked to is mei...i do not know why tears had been flowing out of my eyes...mayb this is how important u are to me...i only hope to see u smile, see u laugh and see u playing...but i dun wish to see u feeling pressured...when u are moody, i wont be happy either...everyday i've been waiting for ur call, which is the only thing which can make me smile...u let me have the reason to smile out of this sadness...i might not be the reason for u to smile...but i tried my best...i have proven with every of my actions and words...fate brought us together but destiny caused us to be apart...mayb u had nv known this...or mayb i should not have said it out...but this is truely how i feel...

dotz..

2005-02-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

last night nv update blog le cuz morning come update le...today kan pua dulan sia! ARGHH...! nothing to say...angry at the same time crying inside my heart dotz...zzzz...very dulan...zzzzz....dun wanna mention why so dulan le...argh...cant do anything but to keep all to myself...feeling so terrible sia...have to hold my temper...arggghhh...tml morning go cut hair liao...hope to cut away all the farking memories...zzzzzz...i dun need anyone to care...no need to care abt me...nothing to say today...bye!

sicky~

2005-02-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

wat going on with me? last night my fren still reminded me to go school today...but, early morning feeling sick again...giddy AGAIN...tot it has recovered? wtf...wat exactly happening to me...haiz...gonna die this time...so long le still haven recover...haiz...exams coming still like this...how am i going to survive...haiz...early afternoon dun wish to lie on bed so come update my blog...nothing better to do...later gonna go get a mc for today le...hope will be feeling fine later...well...today is the one month and 3 weeks anniversary for my cough...first time having a cough so long...haiz...sad...she juz asked whether i wan her to accompany me to doc...my first reaction is of cuz...but come to think of it...she going elsewhere later...dun disturb her bah...suan le...early morning heard some things which makes me...aiyo...as i said before...dun have the right to do anything...smile and everything will be juz fine...right? even if i cant smile, i cant do anything too...force myself to smile...treat it as if nothing has happen before...psycho myself...haha...
-gone-

dotzationz...

2005-02-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

well nothing special today...except that i got a news from my care person saying that i cant take my fyp nxt sem...sad man...regret le...regret for not studying well lor...everytime dun wanna revise...exam also dun wanna touch a book...ended up got 2 core haven clear...so i'm gonna stuck in TP for 3 and 1/2 years le...haiz...this sem muz pass all ar...today went to see doc again le...cant stand it with my flu and cough...this 2 weeks have been taking medicine...which is wat i hate most...take too much medicine sure make my body weak de...yucks...hope to recover soon...haiz...today heard she almost drowned...i was like "!" when i received her sms...pengz man...luckily she's alright...if not how am i going to live...haiz...mayb all cuz of her asthma...aiyo...today actually quite angry...she told me her ex blocked her in msn cuz he saw her msn nick putting miss me...then the nxt moment she changed her nick...i was like "wtf" lor...cuz of her ex then change her nick...then later she told me not cuz of her ex then she change her nick...then i also dunno wat to say...aiya...juz dun care abt wat happen nxt bah...juz care abt wats happening now bah...take a step at a time...dun wanna control her at all...i dun have the right to control her at all...but today one thing she did is god damn funny...she was going to hang up with me already...then my mei suddenly msn me saying that she gastric pain...then i told her ting ting gastric pain leh...then after she hanged up, she sms me "nite dear..haiz..ni xi huan ting ting ar? ermm..nth..nitez..." u know wats my first reaction? ---->"LOLX!" hahahahaha...funny man...she's jealous! lolx...dunno why...very happy that she said this to me...but juz wanna tell her : "there's no one else in my mind...except u...and i will always hope u will juz be like me...only me in ur mind...i will always be waiting for such day to come by..." as usual again...waiting for hair to dry...nxt week gonna stay in school for my projects le...if only i can dl the software and do at home...lolx...nite nite all...

angry~

2005-02-21T23:59:00.000-08:00

wow! today nearly went out of breath leh..this experience teaches me that dun do sports when u are down with a flu...it's true...today feeling better so tot of cycling to school...so long nv cycle le...leg itchy...hehe...so i cycled...halfway to school, wow! went out of breath...gotta slow down...cannot take it...so i took a deep breath...luckily still fine...wat if i die how ar? haha...die better...an useless piece of shit...went to school pass up my cmsk report to my tutor which is suppose to pass up last friday but i'm too sick...haiz...very angry today leh...sms her 2 times nv reply...called her so many times also nv answer...she went out alone so i called her to accompany her...then suddenly she say later call me but so long nv call me...extremely worried lor...i sms~ed her and called her but no repiles...ended up some things happen...wat things happen? dun wish to say...juz very angry lor...to be frank, wat i'm angry with is not wat has happened...i said i dun mind those things le lor...i trust her totally...but it's becuz of she nv answer my call...so worried leh...hungry but dun have any appetite to eat...i was like "jialat! wat happened? hmmm...where could she be? nothing happen bah...quick call me leh...pengz..." like that lor...after she got home she called me then i felt...relieved......she talked to me a while then she say call me later cuz she wanna go help her fren find things...so i'm ok with it de lah...go bah go bah...after that i find it a bit long...so i msn~ed her...she replied...she was watching tv...i was like pengz le lor...knowing i was so angry yet...argh...haiz...wat to do? well...keep all things to myself is better...not letting anyone know wat i'm thinking...foolish? lolx...nah...i said before...it's call self sacrifice...hahahaha...well...waiting for hair to dry...and after that, as usual going to slp...cant afford to slp late recently...have to get well soon...cant afford to get sick again...have been sick for one week plus le...so weak recently...i've nv been so weak before...do not know wat happen...mayb think too much le bah...haiz...no matter wat...whoever can, plz give some energy for me to recover...i have projects piling up like a mountain...cant afford to make my group mates wait for me...cant drag them down de...haiz...gonna go and slp le...tata everyone...

cried...

2005-02-20T23:59:00.000-08:00

today...hmmm...wat i did was...nv eat for one whole day...wahahaha...well...no appetite...also dunno why...haiz...mayb cuz of "that" bah...but dun ask me wats "that"...i'm not sure of wat also...haiz...well...there's sad part and also happy part...haha...today did enjoyed myself...went ktv with my mei and her...her first time to ktv...sang a few songs only...but one thing is...NICE! her voice quite nice when singing...haha...my mei also say so leh...lolx...the rest is sang by me and my mei...take turns de...the most ridiculous thing is that i got a flu, cough and a sorethroat and i went ktv!...haha...after that send my mei to her bf's hand and both of us go le...we go and have a walk...brought some things for her sis and also herself...brought a wallet for her today as her old wallet is quite "rotten" le bah...mayb cuz kena water lor...a pink one...quite nice...as long as she like it can le...after that sent her home...hmmm...sad part comes in here...i went home...online a while...well...actually no point mentioning it...just to say that i dun mind anything at all...as long as she's happy...even if i were to be sad or suffer or wat so ever...i really dun mind...lolx...foolish? nah~ i dun call this foolish...this is call self sacrifice~! hahahaha...self sacrifice = foolish? hahahaha...hohohoho...it's worth doing this...i can feel that...my sixth sense very accurate one...it tells me that it's worth it...hahahaha...projects coming all the way...haiz...in the meantime...needa slp le...quite tired...yawnz...tata peeps~
i'm missing u...the words that i've been longing to say to u...i had already said to u today...try to remember them for they are the most truthful words from the bottom of my heart...

Happiest Day~!

2005-02-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

it has been a few days since i updated my blog...been slping early...not feeling well...head is damn giddy...seen doctor twice still not recovered yet...giddy until vomited...this week only went school for 3 days...haiz...today is saturday...i met her today...so happy today...although is a very hot day...sat outside at the bus stop waited for her quite a long time...after that went to the doctor with her...she go and see her gan pa pa regarding her cough and backbone...we sat at the chair waiting for her turn to get her queue number...the moment we sat down a while later, she hold my hand and lie her head on my shoulder i kissed her on her cheek...and SHE KISSED ME BACK!... OMG so shocked~! damn happy...suddenly she gave me hope...she keep lying her head on my shoulder until it's her turn to see the doctor (her gan pa pa)...after she came out from the consultation room, we stand at a corner...she hugged me~! i cant control myself...but to hug her too...right at that very moment, i got a feeling of not letting go...i dun know why...these past weeks have been quite sad...since the last time i met her...which is the saturday 2 weeks ago...miss her badly...after that we went eating and sat at the playground near her house...it's a bit like the oven in my house...so hot...lolx...my forehead got water water come out one...hahaha...so sad that she went home...i hate to see it when she walk into the lift...i have to let her go home...she's tired...have to thank her for letting me have such a happy day even though she's tired...cor, i believe our ending will be a happy one...why not give both of us one chance to develop this feeling leh...

Funnie~

2005-02-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

hmmm...while waiting for hair to dry still got some time...so come and update my blog...hehe...juz finish bathing so shiok...die...friday gotta hand in cmsk assignment...hope will be able to finish...tml gonna burn midnight oil liao...haha...today my mei mei came my house sia...ask me things abt her project de...diao~ talk to her one big chunk of things ended up her face ----> -.-? LOLX~ after that went downstairs accompany her to wait for her bf to come fetch her home...ended up waited more than half an hour...cuz her bf lost his way...hahahhaa...today quite a fun day...keep laughing while doing things...haha...but today someting bad happen...she cried...she cried cuz i'm leaving her...wat should i do? i wanted to leave silently...but she wont allow me to do so...guess i can only take a step at a time bah...this sat gonna meet her...it's been a long time since i met her...haiz...hao xiang ta...i wish to open my mouth to tell her that i really miss her...she said i dun wan hug hug...i dun wanna hug for a period of time...but wanted to hug forever...juz a wishful thinking bah...lolx...wonder wat will happen tml...hope miracles will happen...miracles do exist if we believe in them...no matter wat will happen, i'll still be with u...hao bah...gonna slp le...bed bed i coming for u le~!
-=Chang Xiang Cor=-

it's time....

2005-02-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

before i go to slp...let me clean my heart first...clear off those things that should not be inside...no matter i must clear them off...they should not exist inside...she still had feelings for him...i am just a passerby...mayb she's not my type...her way of not making me suffer is to make me hate her...so that i will leave her...never will i hate her...but i will leave her...she choosen this path herself...without this passerby she will be happier...a passerby like me should get lost...that's the only way out since she already got the idea of making me hate her...i should be happy instead...mayb for now, i can put down this burden and nv let it affects me in any ways...will i be able to leave her...will i be able to do it...i'm not sure...hope i will be able to do it as time passes...just to let you know that, it will surely work...i'll just walk off silently...
-=for you=-
Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams I
see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

Lonely lonely valentines day...

2005-02-14T23:20:00.000-08:00

this is the second time i update my blog today le...so sick and tired...typing a bit slow...head giddy giddy de...do u all know wat a sick person will always wants? someone they love to care for them...she didn't care for me...went out happily i suppose...those doesn't matter anymore le...today frenz called me but i didn't answer...was resting...haiz...should settle things in my heart bah...wat my heart telling me is that dun carry on like this anymore...but me myself yet dun wish to give up...so tired...or is it mayb cuz these things then i got sick? lolx...probably not...i hope not also...love has nv made me sick before...if this time really is, i guess i had already fallen deep inside...i tired not to let it control my emotions le...but i cant do it in the end...also dunno why...sometimes i felt that we are meant for each other...they way we talk to each other...the way we communicate...that's wat a perfect couple should do...but i still do not know wat u girls are thinking...so complicated...not happy yet wanna continue...isn't it stupid...why accept another happiness since it's already in front of u? i guess i should give up le bah...dun wanna be so tired anymore le...since we got the fate but do not have the chance to be together then i think it should end soon le bah...dun have anyone to talk to...so sick and tired...valentines day today...my 20th valentines day in my whole life...i nv even celebrated any with anyone yet...fate...i wont be able to get wat i want...i wont be able to be happy...forever only having the chance to get hurt...wont have a chance to hurt others...i do not know the feeling of hurting others...but i surely know the feeling of being hurt...but i suppose the feeling of hurting someone is more terrible bah...once hurt forever hurt...no one to care for me...no one to console me...no one to accompany me...no one to make me happy...sickening day...hate it whenever it comes to valentines day...i hate valentines day...every year is a valentineless valentines day...haiz...enough le...getting sicker and sicker...go take med and rest le...if not tml cant wake up...tata peeps~

Lonely lonely valentines day...

2005-02-14T11:21:00.000-08:00

early morning on valentines day fall sick...such lucky day...morning wake up eyes can even open properly...eye lids so heavy...although fall sick le but i still dunno why i feel like coming here and type something...juz had the feeling to...she said i bian le...no longer the keith she know...had i changed? or is she the one who changed? or should i say...she is the one who make me changed...how i wish i could open my mouth and tell her...i really love u so...no matter how much i change, my love for u will never change...but this day could nv come true again...never ever...such a coward like me...mayb leaving could be a way out...she wont be so miserable...wont be pressurized...she can be living happily juz like before i appeared...might sound selfish...but...no one will actually know how it feels like deeply inside my heart...a painful experience...i'm used to this type of thing anyway...deep down inside my heart...i wish to tell u this on this valentines day...i love u...
=zai zhe yi sha na wo de xin you sui le=

Happy? Sad? =/

2005-02-13T23:59:00.000-08:00

my sister has gone to ausy for 1 day le...suddenly felt so lonely and cold at night...without her voice, without her to bicker with me...without her to bring the hamster out to play...haiz...it's like losing something...today can be counted as a happy and also can be counted as a sad day for me...today i went out with my mei mei...it has been a long time since both of us went out together...went eating lunch with her and also went shopping with her for her bf's valentines day present...shop the whole afternoon, she finally brought a fox polo tee for her bf...quite nice...light blue and white in colour with black lines...i also brought a cd...jay's uncomparable concert cd...which i left in her bag when i left for home...lolx...later i teach her how to play billard...start all the way from scratch with no basics at all and ended up eaten one pink ball so nicely...lolx...quite a fast learner...this is the happy thing that happen today...here comes the sad thing...today i went out for a whole day...no calls from her...and also no sms from her...dunno why felt so strange...seems like my heart is telling me something...when i got home, a while later, she asked me whether do i wanna meet her tml...it's valentines day...i wished to say yes at the very moment...but...she said she will be meeting her fren at 4+...lolx...kinda sad in my heart...and mayb she's gonna meet another person at night...wat can i do? well...the answer probably is nothing...lolx...dunno why i still have the mood to laugh...shizii is right...i am old enough to control my emotions...although i'm sad but why should i let others control my emotions? she also said i'm living for myself...not for anyone else...dun let others control my happiness...totally right...mayb i should try to do wat she said so as to prevent myself from being like this every night...she seldom call me these few days...although only 3 days...but it seems like as if months...lolx...well...tired enough for today...no needa wait for my hair to dry tonight...haha...going zzzzz right now...lastly i want to wish all tian xia you qing ren zhong cheng juan shu...happy valentines days peeps...tata~

Sad day...

2005-02-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

today is the last day i will be seeing my sister cuz she going back to ausy for her studies...i tink the nxt time i see her will be 10 more months later bah...haiz...today she brought me to tampines to buy my billlabong long sleeve shirt and my cap...both are so nice man...looks cool...actually today i'm suppose to meet her...but ended up i decided to help my sister to carry her luggages to the airport...i also dunno why...mayb i heard some things that make me =/ bah...enough of that le makes me =/ again...haiz...after sending her off at the airport, i went back bedok to meet my frenz...it's been quite some time since i last hang out with them...miss some of them so much...lolx...after that we went katong to play billard...played number ball and i only won 7 bucks...lolx...better than nothing bah...yawnz...played until midnight 5 then we go off...so tired...haven been slping well last few days...tml gonna meet my mei mei...she jio me go out leh...so touched...muz sayang her liao...lolx...wat am i doing now? haiz...tinking of her in my mind, updating this blog of mine and also waiting for my hair to dry as usual lor...ok bah gonna go slp now le...tata peeps...

Another boring day...boring new year...

2005-02-11T23:59:00.000-08:00

today went to parkway parade with my 2 aunties, cousin and my sister...haiz...nv got anything for myself...such a failure...wanted to find my cap and my long sleeve billabong shirt but cant find them...guess only tampines got bah...shop a whole afternoon with them and finally got home...later at night, play blackjack again...this time round won a few dollars and then quarrel with my aunty...wtf...lose liao dun wanna admit then wanna tell me wat superstitious thing and somemore talk ren sheng da dao li for me to hear...pengz...one of thing i hate most in life which is ppl talking ren sheng...talk with me all these = one tight slap...boring and stuck up life...after that went watching constantine...the guy so handsome sia...girl not bad...lolx...but most importantly, the story line sucks~! lolx...lame and stupid show...both heaven and hell want a person...still can snatch one sial...lolx...got home already...nothing to do...updating bloggy right now...drink my chrysanthemum tea...haiz...waiting for hair to dry then orr orr le...new day going to start again le...still waiting for a person...everyday waiting for some miracle to happen...-waiting-

Boring Day

2005-02-10T23:59:00.000-08:00

Haiz...today is really a damn boring day...one relative came to my house...gave ang pao, sit sit and then went off liao...lolx...today play blackjack lose almost $20...sian man...never lose so much before one...haha...mayb this time lose then i will have good luck for the rest of the year...lolx~!
Haiz...this is a boring new year man...have not been happy this new year...dun say ang pao get less lah...it's because of some other things...haiz...everything is so stress...so hard to be human...love, career all are fated de...cant change them...so sian...should i go...or should i stay...~